saturday end of week morning

I use to write about my dream, but now that I have a job and work at night. I don't night dream anymoreand more recently I haven't daydreamed either.  This past week has been nothing but pain for me.  A girl, she sat next to me in two classes.  She was very funny but headstrong had a 9 month old baby, I didn't knowhe past and to me it didn't matter because I liked her as a person.  Tuesday night after class was the last time anyone saw her, last time I saw her she was walking toward the elevator to meet her parents on the bottom floor.  Knowing how dangerous thatis at nigt aloe I knew she could hand it but she couldn't.  No one knows how long it had been but she was found at 10 pm dead in the mens restroom in that building.  It's a shame because the mens restroom in that building is right next to the elevator.  There's so much that could have been done to save her and prevet it from happening.  It hurts me to realize that I may have been the last person to talk to her befoe it happend and it makes me sick to my stomach to understand that as I walked the other way more lit path by the library, I didn't hear her screams for help if there were any because I had my earphones in listening to my music.  Even now that she is gone, I get nausea just thinking about it.  On the days I go to sleep and even at work I dream that I'm in class and shes sitting next to me in class and we're doing work, learning from eah other.  At work when I'm stocking the shelf, I see her standing there at the end of the aisle with her arms crossed but with a smile on her face like she wants to call me a "Dork" as always, And when I pass by that bathroom to get to my other calsses I hold my breath because all I smell there is the smell of a dead body so badly injured only identifiable by finger prints.  I cannot look at the bathroom door at all for fear of vomitting and when I get to the end of the hallwa, I wont dare to look back because each step that I take down that hallway I'm giving it all that I can not to cry.  each step I take i try not to make eye contact with anyone who may be standin waiting for classes to start because If i do i may see a familiar face and break down.  At work I try my best to put on a smile and pretend like everything is ok.  I try not to think about her but every person that brings up her story makes me mad, and I snap accidentally at them for no reason.  I'mlike a whole different person that i was 2 weeks ago.  Only a few know that I knew the girl and that she was my friend.  Even today, Saturday, the sky is a different shade of cloudy

It feels like all of heaven is sad that she is gone.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
There is still light
That shines on me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary come to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
There's gonna be an answer
Let it be

I miss you Diana

Hero's

What's in a hero? what makes a hero a hero? why as humans need hero's in our lives?  Since last week I've been trying very hard to understand why we all need heroes, someone to believe in or someone to motivate you to do better.  And that hero is always someone way older than you and they always did something courageous, not always your parents either (for bringing you life). Why can't we be our own hero?  Do we really need that sense of reassurement from someone else to be able to get though life.  I know to someone I am probably a hero for being deaf and going through life that way and having to deal with the taunts and teases.  but have I actually done anything worth being called a hero?   I dont think I have, at least not for that person.  A hero should be someone who challenges minds and provides hope of peace and love, they should be strong and clever and made an incredible difference.  Now think hard, has your hero done any of that?  Have you? if the answer is no, then you need to find another hero to believe in because the one you have isn't doing its job,
I read somewhere that Hero's have to go through a transformation.  That transformation could be anything, from birth to coming home from an adventure.  In that sense we can all wake up tomorrow and be heroes, right?  there's nothing stopping us from calling ourselves heroes, especially if we have nothing else to call ourselves.  And on that note I am ending this blog today with a question: Who is your hero?

A hangover Sunday

Hmmm what to say, what to say...OH! I know. So today being Sunday, I was answering some surveys for cash and talking to my grandmother about applying to jobs and who was hiring (hoping my sister was listening because my grandmother has been trying to get her more permanent work that's year around too).  Just as I was about to sit down to continue what I had been doing, my cellphone starts to vibrate, it says it's a non TTY call, and the caller IDsays "walmart".  I go to my grandmother, who was on the phone with he friend at the time and ask her to interpret for me.  After 10 minutes of immediate confusion from the lady who called, from the look of it she wasn' expeting a Deaf person to "answer" the phone, anyway, she called to see f I was available tomorrow for an interview.
All should be good right? wrong! I have no recollection of ever applying to Walmart and my gramma has been worried that I'll tun out better than my sister, get a job, finish college and move out and she wont have a free babystter anymore.  See this happens everytime I have or get a job interview (or even a glimmer of hope of getting one).  She finds some convenient excuse to ruin my chances of having a flexible shift.  Last time it was when I worked the Census.  I aree we do live in a bad neighborhood but I'm not in a gang, and it's broad daylight outsde, I'm not oing to get mugged or shot (bullets are too expensive). Plus, I enjoy walking, but she found every excuse in the book to drive me house to house.  It didn't work out because it was against the assignment rules. But she's simple.
Hopefully this interview goes well and I am given good flexible hours so I can continue going to school, I only have 4 more credits left in th fall.  My goal earlier this year was to find a job ( a permanent part time or full time) save u enough money to get my license, a car (of my dreams), and my own apartment (and or loft) because, lets face it, I don't plan on living here in the ghetto for very much longer.


adorably me,
rosie

Summer reading

Wow  haven't updated this blog in ages...So lets see, summer is almost over and I've only read 15 out of the 85 books I challenged mysel to read.  I just finished Percy Jackson, the olympians and the lightning thief. OK yes I did see the movie first and I hadn't ever heard of the series, so I found the first book in the library and I just finished reading it in the very early hours tis morning.  Both the book and the movie are totally awesome, it's about a boy, who is always getting into trouble at school no matter wat he doesn,then one field trip and his entire crappy life is turned upside down, his mom is taken from him by Hades, he fined out he's half God OH! and did I mention, he's poseidons' son.  Now Mount Olympus have themeselves in a knot because someone has stolen Zeus' master bolt and Hade Helm of darkness,and worse the gods have blamed Percy, if the bolt and the helm aren't returned by the summer solstice; there will be a world war III.  So Percy and his two friends travel from Long Island, New York to Los Angeles,California (where the enterance to the Underworld is) to get his mother bac only to find out that Hades didn't steal anything from the other Gods and that Percy has the bolt (which he unknowingly did in the backpack that Ares had given to him via Luck, a half blood son of Hermes).  Somewhere towards the end Percy battles Ares and wins back the helm of darkness which he returns to its rightful owner and then returns te bolt to Zeus, he meets Poseidon for the first time in his life and they all live happily ever after and Percy decides to go home o te summer to be with his mom. 

I absolutely love the first book and can't waitto ead the other books  ( I think 5 in all) in the series.  Justlike he Artemis Fowl series ,which btw has another book coming out soon in the series (The Atlantis Complex) I have to read the entire series to feel complete. I aim to buy both series for my collction, they are both very well written.  Anywhooo..... I must get going, I have othe things to do tonight such as take care of my niece whom I dont think will be getting to sleep any earlier tonight looks like she'll be asleep at about 12:30am again [you can thank her parents for that, though they swear they have nothing to do with her being up all night] I blame the fact they didnt want her to take a nap earlier when she should have, no worries Ill use her as an alarm clock tomorrow and Ill just have to do things my own way for her to get a good nights sleep (which she hasn't gotten because of either of them) one more bottle for her and she should be good and asleep tonight......



adorable me,
Rosie

rambling

Nothing ends the weekend like a great movie and an even greater book. The first DVD that I tried to watch was Disney’s Princess Diaries 2 but the DVD that I borrowed from the library was so damaged that all it read on my DVD player was “CD Error” That was partly failed on my part I should have seen the insane scratches on the back of the disc. The disc was so scratched you could almost see through to the other side. No matter, I took this time to watch the movie Avatar, which I had bought on DVD some time ago yet every time I went to watch it my FAIL sister and her FAIL husband would come one and make so much noise that even me, a Deaf person couldn’t ignore it. So I had to bid my time and hope that one day I could watch it. Like today, so I sat back on the couch (that I had longed to sit on since they moved in) and enjoyed all 160 minutes of the movie, no disc skipping, no loud movement sans my 7 year old cousin running around (her usual). Hell even for the first hour or two I broadcasted via justin.tv; I didn’t get as many viewers, my usual 2 or 3 but then randomly I got like 6 of 7 viewers but they weren’t signed in. just watching my channel. I hate lurkers it really does irritate me. Justin.tv should change that so the lurkers will still show up on your viewers list even if they aren’t really on your channel. Anyway, I watched the movie in its entirety and I loved every minute of it. Too bad it’s fiction, yet Pandora is not fiction, it’s a moon or a satellite on one of Saturn’s rings, it was discovered in the…you know what it doesn’t matter. Moving on! So after the movie I went back online and then my internet decided to fail, so what better way to pass the time until its back up by eating rainbow sherbet ice cream and reading the 5^th book in the Artemis Fowl series since there is nothing on television to really entertain my thoughts at this time. Well…there is one show coming on at 11:00pm and then again at 11:30pm called Boondocks, I love the ethnic humor and I don’t find it racist one bit, you just have to be able to relate to it. That of which I can because of well where I live and grew up. Anyway, grandmother is bitching about the people that live across the street from us, they are crazy and we know this because they do stupid shit all the time but she still makes a point that they are a “threat” to her, when all they are doing is standing outside in the street talking to their friends minding their own business. I think my grandmother is the paranoid one (wish we could move, but we’ve been in this house so long that we can’t). and she’s just as stubborn as the next old person. I wish we didn’t have cameras watching their every move its so cliché.

After watching and reading a few lips these past few days I have decided to make my diary of a Deaf girl a little more unique, you know, make people read it, it won’t be gossip (I hate gossip it’s pointless). It’ll be something of my own language (no not sign language and it wont be a video diary either). If you haven’t figured it out yet, or I haven’t told you just yet. You may have already figured out that yes, the words of this diary are backward. See I got tired of my sister and her husband continuously looking over my shoulder as I type and chuckle as I write because I also got tired of trying to teach them sign language, and I refuse to read their mumbling lips a day longer. So I am typing this backwards to avert their eyes. They think its an entirely different language, the morons. 4^th of July, the day of independence in the US (big whoop); I don’t see what all the celebrating is really about, the document wasn’t even approved from England till August 3, 1776. So that’s when I celebrate with a BBQ and music and partying, not July 4^th.

phenominal woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,They think I'm telling lies.
I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.I
'm a womanPhenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

River

I'm falling down a river of memories
Floating among the fishes in the sea
Putting out the fire of my longing
Leaving me cold and within his reach
Pouring down the walls of self-consciousness
Evaporating al of my tears
Blessing me into his inhibition
Solidifying my emotins with his fears

I can't be like the water
Sensing through my fingers, he's understanding
Pulling through the emptiness of my confines
Sipping in the mainstream of his mind
My cup is overflowing with my emotions
If only I could get lost in his river
Surviving on the thought that I can't be with you

He causes my expression to remain taken
Rinsing all his water for his own
It is my imagination
He wont pour his soul to me for hours and hours
Not drawing out my nature with his hands
I wish I could be thirsty for his power
Itching to be worthy of his land

I wish I just like water

first blog

So this is my first blog, i decided to start my blog since I have such nosy family members who enjoy snooping through my things and reading them as if they are a book. And as fun as that sounds they have no right to do it, its annoying. you will most likely hear more about my fail family members throughout my blog because everyday they continue to let everyone know just how much they fail at life. even right now as i type this they walk behind me trying to see what im typing. i should let you know now, im not much of a punctuation person, i like to be free in my writing.