a simple number

This number doesn't mean much to me, it came to me in two very different ways, the first while i was meditating after a good yoga session 1.618034.  It came up so suddenly but I dismissed it as my brain communicating to me that I was exhausted and shouldn't think anymore of it.  That it was time for sleep, so about 2 hours after meditating I decided to take a nap and as I slept, I dreamed.  I dreamed of strange and distant blurry lands and then a whisper, faint and clear came to me 1.618034.  The number was the only clean number written on a wall in my dream amongst words that also were in no correct order and held no meaning to me as of yet.

and strangely enough I woke up and discovered that I fell asleep laying on my phone and when I turned it on the time was 16:18 ( 4:18pm) 

Strange or coincidence?

summer entrapment day1

here i am 6 brothers, 1 sister and no real friends., i dont go anywhere and have fun, even my own family doesnt invite me places.  their latest invitation is memorial day party at the beach. needless to say, i am loving it right  here at home alone with the quiet. while everyone else is well........you get the idea.

this is just how i feel right now

Trippn' out, spinning around

I'm underground

I fell down

I'm freaking out,where am I now?

Upside down

And I can't stop it now

It cant stop me now

ill get by, ill survive

when the worlds crashing down

when i fall and hit the ground

i will turn myself around

dont you try and stop me

i wont cry

saturday end of week morning

I use to write about my dream, but now that I have a job and work at night. I don't night dream anymoreand more recently I haven't daydreamed either.  This past week has been nothing but pain for me.  A girl, she sat next to me in two classes.  She was very funny but headstrong had a 9 month old baby, I didn't knowhe past and to me it didn't matter because I liked her as a person.  Tuesday night after class was the last time anyone saw her, last time I saw her she was walking toward the elevator to meet her parents on the bottom floor.  Knowing how dangerous thatis at nigt aloe I knew she could hand it but she couldn't.  No one knows how long it had been but she was found at 10 pm dead in the mens restroom in that building.  It's a shame because the mens restroom in that building is right next to the elevator.  There's so much that could have been done to save her and prevet it from happening.  It hurts me to realize that I may have been the last person to talk to her befoe it happend and it makes me sick to my stomach to understand that as I walked the other way more lit path by the library, I didn't hear her screams for help if there were any because I had my earphones in listening to my music.  Even now that she is gone, I get nausea just thinking about it.  On the days I go to sleep and even at work I dream that I'm in class and shes sitting next to me in class and we're doing work, learning from eah other.  At work when I'm stocking the shelf, I see her standing there at the end of the aisle with her arms crossed but with a smile on her face like she wants to call me a "Dork" as always, And when I pass by that bathroom to get to my other calsses I hold my breath because all I smell there is the smell of a dead body so badly injured only identifiable by finger prints.  I cannot look at the bathroom door at all for fear of vomitting and when I get to the end of the hallwa, I wont dare to look back because each step that I take down that hallway I'm giving it all that I can not to cry.  each step I take i try not to make eye contact with anyone who may be standin waiting for classes to start because If i do i may see a familiar face and break down.  At work I try my best to put on a smile and pretend like everything is ok.  I try not to think about her but every person that brings up her story makes me mad, and I snap accidentally at them for no reason.  I'mlike a whole different person that i was 2 weeks ago.  Only a few know that I knew the girl and that she was my friend.  Even today, Saturday, the sky is a different shade of cloudy

It feels like all of heaven is sad that she is gone.
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
There is still light
That shines on me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary come to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
There's gonna be an answer
Let it be

I miss you Diana

Hero's

What's in a hero? what makes a hero a hero? why as humans need hero's in our lives?  Since last week I've been trying very hard to understand why we all need heroes, someone to believe in or someone to motivate you to do better.  And that hero is always someone way older than you and they always did something courageous, not always your parents either (for bringing you life). Why can't we be our own hero?  Do we really need that sense of reassurement from someone else to be able to get though life.  I know to someone I am probably a hero for being deaf and going through life that way and having to deal with the taunts and teases.  but have I actually done anything worth being called a hero?   I dont think I have, at least not for that person.  A hero should be someone who challenges minds and provides hope of peace and love, they should be strong and clever and made an incredible difference.  Now think hard, has your hero done any of that?  Have you? if the answer is no, then you need to find another hero to believe in because the one you have isn't doing its job,
I read somewhere that Hero's have to go through a transformation.  That transformation could be anything, from birth to coming home from an adventure.  In that sense we can all wake up tomorrow and be heroes, right?  there's nothing stopping us from calling ourselves heroes, especially if we have nothing else to call ourselves.  And on that note I am ending this blog today with a question: Who is your hero?

A hangover Sunday

Hmmm what to say, what to say...OH! I know. So today being Sunday, I was answering some surveys for cash and talking to my grandmother about applying to jobs and who was hiring (hoping my sister was listening because my grandmother has been trying to get her more permanent work that's year around too).  Just as I was about to sit down to continue what I had been doing, my cellphone starts to vibrate, it says it's a non TTY call, and the caller IDsays "walmart".  I go to my grandmother, who was on the phone with he friend at the time and ask her to interpret for me.  After 10 minutes of immediate confusion from the lady who called, from the look of it she wasn' expeting a Deaf person to "answer" the phone, anyway, she called to see f I was available tomorrow for an interview.
All should be good right? wrong! I have no recollection of ever applying to Walmart and my gramma has been worried that I'll tun out better than my sister, get a job, finish college and move out and she wont have a free babystter anymore.  See this happens everytime I have or get a job interview (or even a glimmer of hope of getting one).  She finds some convenient excuse to ruin my chances of having a flexible shift.  Last time it was when I worked the Census.  I aree we do live in a bad neighborhood but I'm not in a gang, and it's broad daylight outsde, I'm not oing to get mugged or shot (bullets are too expensive). Plus, I enjoy walking, but she found every excuse in the book to drive me house to house.  It didn't work out because it was against the assignment rules. But she's simple.
Hopefully this interview goes well and I am given good flexible hours so I can continue going to school, I only have 4 more credits left in th fall.  My goal earlier this year was to find a job ( a permanent part time or full time) save u enough money to get my license, a car (of my dreams), and my own apartment (and or loft) because, lets face it, I don't plan on living here in the ghetto for very much longer.


adorably me,
rosie

Summer reading

Wow  haven't updated this blog in ages...So lets see, summer is almost over and I've only read 15 out of the 85 books I challenged mysel to read.  I just finished Percy Jackson, the olympians and the lightning thief. OK yes I did see the movie first and I hadn't ever heard of the series, so I found the first book in the library and I just finished reading it in the very early hours tis morning.  Both the book and the movie are totally awesome, it's about a boy, who is always getting into trouble at school no matter wat he doesn,then one field trip and his entire crappy life is turned upside down, his mom is taken from him by Hades, he fined out he's half God OH! and did I mention, he's poseidons' son.  Now Mount Olympus have themeselves in a knot because someone has stolen Zeus' master bolt and Hade Helm of darkness,and worse the gods have blamed Percy, if the bolt and the helm aren't returned by the summer solstice; there will be a world war III.  So Percy and his two friends travel from Long Island, New York to Los Angeles,California (where the enterance to the Underworld is) to get his mother bac only to find out that Hades didn't steal anything from the other Gods and that Percy has the bolt (which he unknowingly did in the backpack that Ares had given to him via Luck, a half blood son of Hermes).  Somewhere towards the end Percy battles Ares and wins back the helm of darkness which he returns to its rightful owner and then returns te bolt to Zeus, he meets Poseidon for the first time in his life and they all live happily ever after and Percy decides to go home o te summer to be with his mom. 

I absolutely love the first book and can't waitto ead the other books  ( I think 5 in all) in the series.  Justlike he Artemis Fowl series ,which btw has another book coming out soon in the series (The Atlantis Complex) I have to read the entire series to feel complete. I aim to buy both series for my collction, they are both very well written.  Anywhooo..... I must get going, I have othe things to do tonight such as take care of my niece whom I dont think will be getting to sleep any earlier tonight looks like she'll be asleep at about 12:30am again [you can thank her parents for that, though they swear they have nothing to do with her being up all night] I blame the fact they didnt want her to take a nap earlier when she should have, no worries Ill use her as an alarm clock tomorrow and Ill just have to do things my own way for her to get a good nights sleep (which she hasn't gotten because of either of them) one more bottle for her and she should be good and asleep tonight......



adorable me,
Rosie